Do you ever take the time to count your blessings. Really sit and count your blessings. How about just take into account that you have blessings in your life. Do you feel blessed by what you have or are you constantly searching for more? We so often take things for granted or overlook the simplest most important things in life. As appreciative as I am of even the tiniest of things, I am guilty of this too. Just like anyone else, I get caught up in the mundane and unimportant things. I let them affect me more than I should and give precedence to things that have no business being placed on a shelf of importance. Sometimes it takes events beyond our control to put things into perspective. Sometimes it’s as simple as someone telling us. Even if they’re the last person you thought you’d hear it from.
So how blessed am I?
I’ve had some stressful situations come up lately that involve work, the baby and our plans for the future including our new home hopes. This week was particularly stressful in these areas. I message my husband during a slight freak out moment that resulted from one particular incident. Regardless of what’s happening, he’s always the first person I ever want to talk to about things. A caveat about my husband though: He’s not a big conversationalist and he definitely doesn’t like to talk about work. He never talks about work because it’s stressful and should be left at work he says. Yet he takes the time to console me and make sure I know that he agree that it’s not a situation I am looking at through distorted glasses – something definitely smells fishy. He reminds me that I shouldn’t have to deal with this type of stress – especially when it comes to work when I’ve been there 11 years and more than proven my worth and my dedication to the company. Hell it’s no mystery that I’ve treated that company with more consideration than I treated myself and my own health. Work before everything. My husband can tell you that he and our plans have also taken a backseat many a times to needs of the office as much as I hate to admit it. So when things take a turn while I’m on maternity leave and I seem to be getting the runaround about the real motives, it leaves me really uneasy.
Not only does my husband hear me out but he calls me later in the afternoon from work to check on me and make sure I’m okay and again reassure me about things and again when he comes home. As I sit, my chest exposed from the latest nursing session and our sleeping baby in my arms, he again reassures me and tries to find encouraging words. To hear him telling me not to let them get me down and they don’t matter, to remind me that I have “made their money work for their lifestyle for the past 11 years” and that he would even be fine if I just stayed home and raised our baby and made OUR money work for us now if they’re going to do this to me it’s all comforting. Weird. But comforting. Don’t get me wrong, I used to pretend that when I got married I would be “Suzie Q Homemaker” but then my job took over and I became “Career Cathy” instead. After more than 10 years of being together and not starting our family I guess I just hung up the idea of Suzie Q. And the last thing I want is to be reminded by a working husband that I don’t work and contribute and don’t have a say in things because of it. That would be my biggest fear probably about being a stay at home mom.
Then he reminds me that everything will be fine because there’s no other way it CAN be but good now that the baby is here. That nothing can be worse because of her. That all it can be is better and happier and more beautiful and that nothing can go wrong now because of her. That it will all work out no matter what because it has to. That they shouldn’t get to tarnish this beautiful time in our lives too. And he’s right, you know? I sit here with this healthy, happy and absolutely beautiful baby in my arms and a caring, hardworking, compassionate husband at my side and I finally start to see things in the right perspective again. And he’s right. Nothing else matters and no matter what happens, it will all be a beautiful thing now that she’s hear. I’ll say it again: He’s right!
I immediately feel ashamed that I am so unable to see things so simply that way. So envious that he can just believe it to be so and not worry about the alternatives or the what-if’s in life or lose sleep over any of it. My husband is not a “religious” man. He’s not a “deep” sort of guy. He also is not the cheerleader / motivational speaker type. He’s not even usually a very verbal guy. We don’t sit and have long conversations all the time about life. We don’t go to church except the occasional family event. We don’t pray before all of our meals. I have always been the more spiritual one. The more verbal one. The more communicative one. So for him to have such blind faith makes me both proud and ashamed. Proud that he can be so silently faithful in us and our family and life in general. Ashamed that I could be so caught up in the unimportant, trivial things in life that I forget it can be that simple. He may not be a man that wears his faith on his sleeve but he is definitely a man of faith. I am surprised by him a lot but I didn’t see this coming. Not only is my faith restored in these moments but I remember again why I love him so much and how lucky I am to have him.
Just in time for St. Valentine’s Day and we have the best gift of all. I am reminded of the love we have that is deeper than any hurdle we may encounter. Stronger than our little tiffs when we’re both having a bad day. And willful enough to see us through these petty things that don’t matter. A love that has brought us a healthy baby that we now share our love with too. I look at all these more important things around me and I know I am truly blessed. Stressed to the nines at times? Yeah. Ready to chop someone’s head off at other times? Sure. So sleep deprived I am a bit goofy or forgetful periodically? Absolutely. But blessed…Truly blessed.