Yay for Boobs!


My 30th birthday party was an amazing event planned by my sister in law and husband that included VIP track side seating on derby day, having a race named after my party and getting our picture taken with the race winner. It was fantastic. We bussed out with all the girls wearing big fun hats, dressed to the nines and looking great. I spent weeks before trying to recreate my own Pretty Woman look. I had to look great when I officially celebrated 30. Everyone kept commenting on how boisterous my chest was that day. I don’t usually show cleavage. I don’t want to seem like I’m trying too hard. But “the girls” were looking good that day, I’ll admit.

I was exhausted before the party even started and in the days after I grew even more tired and “the girls” were really tender. Payback for exploiting them for an entire day? Eh, probably just that time of the month getting ready to visit and begin the traditional ransacking and purging of my insides. My boobs are usually tender before starting. But a couple days later and still no sign of Aunt Flo I remembered something my mother had said once long ago.

My mother was a nurse’s aid when I was growing up. As soon as I got my period she started in on me with the fear fest of realities from STD’s to pregnancy and anything else she could think of to make sure I got the idea of the risks associated with coming into womanhood. (Needless to say it worked and I was scared shitless). Anyway, she said she always knew when she was pregnant because her boobs would get sore. Huh, could it be? I had always been the nervous tester – The woman who stocked up on pregnancy tests and took them routinely because I didn’t want to be drinking and smoking if I was pregnant. (I had been off the pill for years after we decided we’d let whatever happens happen).

I bought a few tests on my way home from work that day and, yep, you got it, all positive. All this time of paranoid pregnancy testing and when I finally give up on the idea and greet 30 I’m pregnant. Go figure.Walking out of the bathroom I stared at my husband sitting on the couch and I was in total shock. Could this really be? In that moment I couldn’t muster up the right words because millions of them were going through my head all at once. All I could say was “Huh, so that explains it” and I tossed him the latest test. I remember him staring at it for a while too and trying to piece it all together. Holy shit! We were going to be parents! After 10 years together, this was it!

Well that was also it for my boobs. After the initial glorious perkiness they seemed to go back to their normal routine. I figured I’d be reunited with them by the time my belly was also pleasantly plump though so no big deal. Well that wasn’t the case either. My belly gradually stretched until I was this bulbous creature trying like hell to look and feel normal but all the while looking like I could fall forward if I stood up too quick. And yet my boobs remained unchanged. My average C cups remained average C cups and just kept looking smaller and smaller the larger my belly got. Talk about a bummer. Of all the things my body had to go through during pregnancy this was the ONE THING that I was actually looking forward to!

A lot of our birthing class was focused on the benefits of nursing and so we naturally were going to try that route. After having the  baby it takes a few days for your milk to actually come in though. Before that happens you’re actually feeding your baby what’s called “colostrum” – a small quantity but high quality super food (that apparently can heal anything). But then (cue the music) ta da! Your milk comes in and hello glorious tata’s!

Sure, it’s awesome having grand perky boobs. What woman wouldn’t want them? The weird thing though is they change sizes umpteen times a day. I wake in the morning with huge full breasts and bask in the glory of them in the mirror while brushing my teeth. Women pay good money for things like these dammit! Then an hour later and after giving the baby her breakfast they are back to almost normal size again. Another hour later and they’re almost full again. What a tease not knowing what you’re going to be from one minute to the next. It sucks that you can’t enjoy the grandiose version a little longer either. That’s actually not good for continuing your production – the goal is to empty them as quickly as possible so that your body knows to keep producing more. Plus if you don’t get rid it soon you’re going to start hurting from the fullness (and probably will start spraying all over the place). Big full boobs can be very sexy – sprinkler boobs? Not so much.

But I’ll take what I can get and be happy with it and enjoy them while they last. At the end of the day they’re not here for my or my husband’s enjoyment anyway. They’re serving a much more valuable purpose – They are nurturing and giving life to this beautiful baby!

Did you know that breastfeeding promotes disease fighting too? It changes based on what your baby needs as it receives cues from the baby. It has been shown to protect against many illnesses including ear infections, respiratory ailments, allergies, intestinal issues, colds, viruses, staph, strep, diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis in youth, childhood cancers, meningitis, pneumonia, UTI’s, salmonella, SIDS and more. It’s also been shown to provide a lifetime of protection from things like Crohn’s Disease, ulcerative colitis, lymphomas, diabetes and for girls, breast and ovarian cancers.  That’s nothing to flinch at!! Not to mention that it also is said to help mom because when she breast feeds she also reduces HER risk of developing breast and ovarian cancers. So the point in a nutshell is they are basically amazeballs…Literally.

Hooray for boobs!

On that note, February is National Cancer Prevention Month folks. So ladies, do yourself and your tata’s a favor and go get screened. Respect “the girls” and take care of them. If you’re over 35 and haven’t had a mammogram, it’s time. If you’re younger but have a history of breast cancer in your family, talk to your doctor about when you should start. Screenings are a lifesaver in detecting and successfully  beating cancers. Our family has seen it both ways – losing one aunt to breast cancer at a young age and having another aunt beat it. The earlier it is found the more likely it is that you can survive it. This goes for all cancer types so guys, be sure you are getting your screenings too!


About stephrader

I am a new mom who went from managing a fast paced legal office to the 24/7 lifestyle of a stay-at-home-mom. I am inspired by everything and writing has always been my outlet. I love that each day offers something new, exciting, breathtaking, philosophical, tasty, funny and yes, sometimes even sad. Check out my blog 'The Write Side of Life'.

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