Here goes


This week has been kind of a flop. I would say I’d like a do over but at this point I would just much prefer to move forward. Onward and upward. So this will be my bitch and release.

Spring is supposed to be in the air. Easter is next weekend. Instead winter has decided to dig in her claws and is just having a hard time getting the hell out of dodge. They’re calling for six inches of snow on Sunday. Two weeks to April and six inches of snow? What the hell is this Alaska?!

My back has been so jacked up this week I could probably audition and score a role in the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I feel like a total idiot trying to bend down to pick the baby up out of her crib or swing and then try to stand back up straight. I’m 31, not 203. At least we figured out the culprit. Turns out this is all thanks to our wonderful Termpurpedic bed. We splurged on this stupid bed a couple years ago and it was the greatest thing since sliced bread for my husband for quite a while. I never quite adjusted to it and shortly after finding out I was pregnant I found myself in physical therapy with some severe lower back issues. Coming home from the hospital I slept on the couch for over a month but surprisingly never really had any issues. Then sure as shit once we moved back into the bedroom a few weeks ago, it set in again and now is back full force ready to kill me. This time my husband’s feeling it too. He  started reading some reviews and found hundreds of them with complaints of the same thing – lower back pain, physical therapy, Cortizone shots! All that eased as soon as they trashed their Tempurpedic. This freaking bed is crippling us! Looks like we’ll be camping out on our old queen mattress until we get rid of this thing and get a new one.

Yesterday was pictures with the Easter Bunny at the mall. The place is a ghost town of empty stores for lease and unknown ghetto fabulous stores in place of the stores I used to love. Now I know why I don’t go to the mall. I actually expected to see tumbleweeds roll across our path at any point. Their Easter bunny was a little goofy too but it’s a tacky little traditional photo anyway. It all went just like the movies. One kid that’s staring off into space refusing to look at the camera, followed by a kid that’s clutching to her mother as if she’s about to be tossed into the jaws of death screaming bloody murder and a much less than enthused photographer who figures she’s not getting paid enough to interact with her subjects or use any of the giggle inducing puppets she’s got behind the counter. The biggest gripe about this trip though actually had nothing to do with the pictures or the unimpressive Easter Bunny. That all went fairly well. It was my freaking shoes that pissed me off the most. I decided  to wear black ankle boots and about halfway through our voyage my back is so jacked up that my body literally ditched the concept of how to walk in heels. Between all these excess pounds I’m carrying trying to be supported by skinny heels and lower back issues making me walk like an invalid, I’m actually surprised I didn’t break my damn ankle. The upside: There is never a line at an empty mall so we got in pretty quickly and my baby did swimmingly well with her first encounter of the Easter Bunny (minus one eyebrow raising “Who the hell is this guy” look but then again she is my child so that’s a given).

We also went to our appointment yesterday for our spring/Easter pictures. We dressed the baby in her easter dress and donned our spring colors. They told us we could bring as many dress changes as we wanted and after a poll of friends, it was decided we’d bring a few. After the day at the mall the baby was exhausted. We got a few family shots in before she went waco lulu for food. We let the next family go head of us and I fed her. (Thankfully I had pumped that morning and brought a reserve bottle with us). So while she finished her dinner we sat at watched every employee get called over try their tricks and work their magic on a three year old girl who absolutely refused to do anything but look at everyone like they were stupid. Photographers repeatedly hit themselves in the head trying to procure a laugh and only scoring an “Are you crazy” look from the kid.  It was hysterical. When it was our turn again we gave it another shot. The baby (who is usually all smiles) just wasn’t feeling it. The photographer gave her best but it just wasn’t a good night for pictures. We got a few more shots in and attempted a wardrobe change but by then she was just too tired and that was a wrap. The upside: Even though we only got pictures in one outfit, we still got some cute ones and her first Easter pictures will still go down as absolute cuteness in the family album.

Then when I woke up this morning I felt a bit of sentiment already. It was my last day at work. Lots of people have moved on from the office over the years. Some have come back, others not. One thing we always did was bid them adieu with a parting gift and a farewell lunch party. I personally have ordered engraved Tiffany’s bracelets and Michael Kors engraved watches, etc and food for these parties. Granted, I wasn’t expecting anything that nice, I at least figured that there would be some sort of send off, well wishes, good lucks, a card perhaps signed by everyone. Something. The dogs getting knotted up in the back yard and the baby spitting up all over herself (which she never does) before we left for the office this morning should have been a clear indication of what laid before me.

I got to work and set out to finishing up getting my office cleared and getting things transferred over. I had offered to help as much as I could from home if they needed me to in an effort to at least not be a total bitch over the situation even though they more than deserved it. So they decided they may take me up on it but then had other plans of how they could screw me over in doing it. It never ceases to amaze me the lengths people will go to in being despicable.  Ironically The Minion worked from home for years and made out quite well doing it. She also was the recipient of the Tiffany’s bracelet when she quit and started working from home. Yet here she sits now trying to get me to do all this work and not wanting to pay for it and not even extending any sort of farewell function whatsoever. I just need to learn not to let this bother me I reminded myself. Today is my last day here and let’s just get it over with. So the day went on and then lunch came and went and nothing. I returned to my office from transferring some files and found a gift bag there. Well, it was snuck in there when I wasn’t there but at least it was something right!? Only when I opened the bag it was a single gift and note from one co-worker. So it was clear – nothing was planned or organized for today. This was it. On the bright side, the gift was a beautiful set of potted orchids and a very sweet note. Taking out the last of my belongings and getting the baby together I sent out a farewell message to the staff and wished them all well. I got back several sweet emails but still felt the compelling itch to call someone out on their bullshit. I mean at this point I was kinda shocked, a little hurt even but mostly very upset that I’ve spent more than the past decade busting my ass for people like that. Besides, that the owner had even said last week that he wanted to throw me a farewell party after all. Why would you tell someone that and then renege? Who does that?! So I sent him a message and basically thanked him for the great learning experience over the years (I left out the lessons he was still teaching me on dealing with greedy, heartless bastards) and that it would have been nice to have been able to have everyone together for lunch or something to say goodbye. To my surprise he then responded that they were planning a party to commemorate my hard work but that I just needed to be patient. Umm, in other words, he totally abandoned the idea and figured it wouldn’t be a big deal. I mean who the hell throws you a farewell party after you’re already gone? I’ve heard of throwing a party BECAUSE someone is gone. In fact, the staff had all wanted one when The Minion quit years back in an almost “ding dong the witch is dead” kinda way. But a farewell party for me after I’m gone is just a little far fetched and a little more than I could take.

The upside is that it’s all over with. Tomorrow starts a whole new chapter for us and I don’t have to deal with any of that anymore. The perks of spending my days with my daughter are immense and the rewards of managing our house more efficiently and focusing my time here are far greater than any job. “You’ll have plenty of time to get back to work”, everyone says. “Enjoy this time”, they tell me. Well folks, here goes.


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