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Well it’s been almost a week since I was introduced to my half brother by mistake on Facebook. After a couple days of talking back and forth things have sort of come to a halt. The original plan was that he was going to talk to his (our) father and let him know what happened and that he now knew about me and we’d go from there and see what his (our) father wanted to do. Well that fell through when his (our) father went boating and camping and didn’t make it back before he went to work the next day. Then it got pushed back more because he works second shift and his (our) father works first. Then the weekend went by and still not a peep.

I think it’s also safe to say that he’s nervous about even approaching the subject. To be honest I can’t blame him. I would be too. LIke what the hell do you even say. I emphasized that he shouldn’t make his (our) father feel like he’s being backed into a corner or confronted in a negative way but letting him know he knows and then letting his (our) father decide how much, if anything, he wants to divulge from there and if he even wants to contact me would be better. I think that’s the main reason I haven’t bugged him about it. To be honest it’s not just that I haven’t bugged him, I haven’t really done a lot of reaching out to him period. I figured it’s best for him to reach out to me. I just don’t want him thinking that I am trying to push him with any of this or nag him about talking to his (our) father. I know what it’s like to live with this so I can’t imagine how it would feel having it sprung on you after twenty years. So I have just been laying low and sending a simple text here or there – like a “hope you had a good weekend” etc.  I feel screwed either way – if I text him every day then he may think I’m pressuring him and if I don’t then he may think I don’t care. What do you do in that situation?

Either way, I think that after my last attempt to reach out to my father failed and resulted in no response, I pretty much went through the agony and self torment over it all and then I had to let it go. I moved on and realized that I had gone this long without knowing him so if I have to go the rest of my life then so be it. It hurt but that pain gets numbed over the years and by new things in my life – like my beautiful baby girl. I can’t be sad over this simply because she exists and makes me happy. That little hole may never mend but it’s become part of me and who I am anyhow so as long as I can raise my baby right and be happy with what I have I just have to remind myself that no matter what is missing,  I’m not really missing anything.

 

We’ll see I guess…

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