Tag Archives: Happy New Year

No Longer (Farewell to 2015)

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In an empty field I find myself

Mowed of its bounty overgrown;
Now barren and empty-

It’s deepest secrets exposed.
 
And in the crisp approaching winter’s breeze,

I smell the earth and the dying leaves.
The decaying year soon coming to close

As too perhaps my eyes on their sorrows.
 
Another year approaching, a beginning anew;

The fog is lifting and once again I can see;

Still conscious that it’s without you.
 
My world turned cold the day you left

And it’s been winter ever since; 

Searching for what couldn’t be. 

Wishing for you to return to me.
 
I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m not alright.

The days pass by and turn to night. 

Flashes of me here and there,

Hiding behind a shaky stare.
 
I don’t want to numb it 

But I can’t let it out;

I can’t get rid of it 

And I don’t want to be without.
 
Never the same;

Forever changed.
 
Coming to life amidst the rubble 

And then crumbling back down;

How can I feel so alien in my world 

And yet still smile while inside I frown?
 
I feel like I’m now two people – 

One me and one that’s broken;

One that smiles and laughs and jokes 

And an even more fragile one awoken.
 
Something was taken from me, but yet will never leave. 

Things don’t make sense, but make sense perfectly.
 
The depth of my emotions magnified -

Whether in spite of or because of it, I don’t know. 

Staring out – it’s the same window, the same world,
Completely different though.
 
Life goes on and people buzz along, 

Unknowing, uncaring, unchanged.

And I try to absorb their indifference
-
Unaffected, unbroken, mundane.
 
There should be another place setting

Another stocking by the fire;

There should be a happier ending to this year

And not just an aching, fruitless desire.
 
I may never return from the dark,

It seems now the dark is part of me; 

I may never try again

For fear it will consume me entirely.
 
But still I can feel the spring in my veins
Reminding me to live once again.

Seeing an island while I was lost at sea. 

Bits of myself returning to me.
 
The new year approaches and brings a promise:
That although broken, I can go on;

That I can laugh, and smile, and sing 

Even though you’re gone.
 
That although I cry I can still be joyful
And my joy does not need to be obscured;
That just because you are no longer
Doesn’t mean you never were.
                                                                                                       -Stephanie Rader, The Write Side of Life
2015 has been a difficult year though it was still filled with many blessings and joyful moments for which I am incredibly grateful. Things may never be “the same” again but I suppose those changes build who we are – Even if sometimes those building blocks are just the broken pieces of ourselves. Still, I hope that 2016 is a bit more kind to us all.
Happy New Year ❤

Farewell to 2013

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Farewell to 2013

2013 was a pretty monumental year for me. I gave birth to a happy, healthy and beautiful baby girl; I quit my job of over a decade and became a stay-at-home mom; I started my own business; I started my blog; I lost all my baby weight; I celebrated 7 years of marriage with The Hub; I celebrated a whole year of first holidays with the baby;   It’s crazy to think this year is already over. I can’t imagine what 2014 has in store for us but I know of a few things I have in store for it. Like…

Celebrating every moment with my little girl. She’ll only be little for so long. Now that she sees and understands so much more than she did as a newborn I am looking forward to venturing out and doing more fun things and having lots of quality family time.

Learning an instrument. Music has always been not just “a” but “the” big influence in my life. It’s no wonder my daughter is already dancing and singing all the time. I want her to have that connection and outlet with music too but on an even bigger level if that’s at all possible. I never played any instruments growing up so I hope that by learning now maybe it will inspire her to give it a try.

Investing more time in my craft and craft space. I have lots of ideas scrapbooked away for the gift shop for 2014. We’ve had to reorganize things in our house a few times now with the new baby moving around and getting into everything but now that it’s done I’m really getting excited to get my dedicated craft room set up so I can get to work. I can’t wait to dig in and get my hands dirty!

Becoming more familiar with the natural foods store and all it has to offer. It helps to know what natural remedies are available for things as they come up but also, even though my pregnancy was fantastic, it left me with some new things to work on aside from just stretch marks (like eczema). I reworked our menu to introduce as many super foods as possible, cut back on the no-no’s and boost our intake of fiber and key vitamins. In 2014 I want to make sure my family is eating well and feeling their very best.

Growing our own food. We attempted a garden last year but aside from getting it planted late we had a bit of a pest problem and didn’t get as great a turn out as we had been hoping. Now that we’ve tackled those obstacles though I am looking forward to a garden a’plenty in 2014.

Being more efficient. When I quit my job this year I set out to do all I could to save us money to make up for my lack of a paycheck. In 2014 I hope to do even better with our efficiency by reusing and repurposing things to cut back on waste and avoid extra spending, fixing things ourselves, and structuring meals to get more bang for our buck.

Creating “Our Places”. It’s important for us to create traditions that we can enjoy year after year with our daughter (and any kids we may have in the future). Trips to look forward to, events to plan on every year, etc. One place I have in mind is Holland, Michigan. Their annual Tulip Festival not only happens every year right around my birthday but our daughter’s nickname has been Tulip since before she was born. (And who knows, maybe when she’s older we can visit the motherland and take in The Keukenhof’s massive tulip festival).

Strengthening our faith & Finalizing our family mission statement. The mission statement was actually The Hub’s idea and it’s a pretty good one I think. I believe at the core of its success lies our faith – both in each other and in God. Not much brings you closer to God than having a baby. She is our joy but apparently also our salvation and cause to protect, value and cherish all that is good.   Of course there’s plenty more things I hope I can check off my list for 2014…like losing 20 more pounds, finishing my book, selling our house, buying a new home, etc. But 2013 proved that few things are far more important than faith & family – even with less money and personal time and wherever we are, if we are together, I know we’re home.

So here’s to the new year! I hope 2014 brings you joy and all you set out to accomplish yourself. Have a safe & happy New Year’s Eve everyone!